Editing My Speech (Mother Issues)

Maybe I shouldn't say that my mother is wicked and evil..she's had damage done too. It's like killing or at least hurting myself when I think of her. I wish she was sorry about everything because the parts of me that are so similar to her miss the beautiful things about her. I should probably start by talking to my dad because I miss him too. But I'm still so hurt by the things they said and did and I'm not sure if they'll ever change their opinion of me. Years worth of hurt ..well into adulthood.. I'm fighting with myself about this. Marsha's afraid of being hurt by them again because she's known them the longest. Rose is tired of being slapped emotionally by them and having to protect Marsha. Veronica is angry and would like to punch the living daylights out of my mother....she'd probably listen to dad. Ron awaits further instructions and the New part of me that is trying to negotiate everything between myselves is trying to convince us all to go in a new direction and be forgiving, the same way we've all been hoping to be forgiven by J. Side thought....maybe I should learn to see "god" as a concept, the same way as I see Lucifer. I've been fighting so hard to wash the christian out of me that I failed to keep the good things I learned from that religion. I'm still angry because of the hurtful things that have been done in the name of god/christianity though. Anyway, we started by thinking of my mother. I'd probably like to make peace with her, buy her flowers, bake and cook with her, hear her laugh and rest on her chest. I just don't ever want to feel the type of pain she caused me ever again. And she'd probably never accept who I am. I'd like to know why she did the things she's done....I'd love to accept any effort on her part to make those things right. It's been a year and a half though..I guess we're all used to the separation and I should probably leave well enough alone. Welp....that's the end of that emotional yo-yo....