Aftermath

I feel so sorry I can't breathe.... There's no one to blame but myself

Dust yet unsettled....falls toward the ground....surrounding us with the aftermath of my carelessness.

I try to walk toward you ....tripping on broken heart's debris.....

Jagged edges ....cutting and causing pain ....I get up and try heading towards you again.

I could abandon this trek, abandon this place and this love for you.... I could avoid ever being cut apart by the jagged shards of our broken hearts ....I just don't.... because I love you.

I see your silhouette in a cloud of dust.... How could I cause the explosion that destroyed your happy place?.... Smouldering and covered in ash....I make out a look of disbelief on your still beautiful face....my dearest silhouette....becoming my light.... drawing me near.

I can't get close to you fast enough....damn the debris on the ground and the thick clouds of dust that slow my pace.... Yet I try not to crush anything that lays beneath my feet in case you want to rebuild....I pray to the Universe that you do.... Finally before you, I see the effects of what I've done....all over your body....your beautiful, beautiful face....

Covered in ash and dirt ....spattered with the blood of your sweet heart....how can I continue to live with what I've done? I search you for forgiveness ....a gift I know I don't deserve.

At this moment, I tell myself, "Look what I've done!"....I ask myself, "Can any of this be rebuilt? How can I prevent this mess from ever happening again? ....should I just take my own life?....will you take it from me?.... What will ease the pain I have caused....tidy up the mess I have created? How can I repair and heal the people whose hearts I have maimed?"

I decide to sacrifice myself....I don't deserve another chance. And to be honest....I'm tired of living....exhausted from trying to make peace with myself and all others around me....but mainly with myself.... I can't live with me after what I've done to you.

From between your lips come words of peace....your voice, a melody that at once blesses and chokes me....my arrested heart fails to keep me strong. This is judgement I have earned and brought upon myself. I accept my fate in silence ....fading into the vapours of your memories of me.

You are the last thing I experience of this world before passing into the next....

My empty shell....all but left.