Did your actions reflect your true values? If not, trace your beliefs, thoughts, and emotions that led to your actions. Think about what may have led you to abandon your values. Notice that you hurt yourself when you violate your values. This actually causes more harm than disappointing someone else.How did your actions affect you and others? Whom did you hurt? Include yourself on the list.Think of ways to make amends. Take the action, and make them. For example, if the person is dead, you can write a letter of apology. You can also decide to act differently in the future.
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Would you forgive someone else for the same actions? Why would you treat yourself differently? How does it benefit you to continue to punish yourself?Remorse is healthy and leads to corrective action. Think about what you’ve learned from your experience and how you might act differently today.Write yourself an empathic letter of understanding, appreciation, and forgiveness.Repeat on a daily basis words of kindness and forgiveness from your letter, such as, “I’m innocent,” “I forgive myself,” and “I love myself.”Share honestly with others what you did. Don’t share with those who might judge you. If appropriate, talk about what happened in a 12-Step group. Secrecy prolongs guilt and shame.
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