After that last breakdown, I feel as though a piece of me is just ....gone. Like I've been shot in the head and a part of who I am has died. The part of me that felt motivation and was able to motivate and inspire the rest of me is gone and I can't seem to find it....I'm so frustrated. I don't want to believe that all that's left of me is all there ever will be....I'm terrified of not having any fire in me again. There's no more spunk; I feel tired and anxious all of the time. I'm not me....I'm someone else who I don't even know. I don't understand what's left. I'm afraid to document these feelings because what if I lose anyone else in my life, or what if the way I feel is only temporary? What if I'm worried about nothing? ....but then again, I'm more afraid that this version of me is really all that's left after I snapped a few weeks ago....or could it just be the medication I'm on? I don't know; all I do know is that I'm not someone I know. I feel like I've been placed into someone else's life and I'm expected to fill their role and I just have a script to go by....with their costume and makeup....I don't like this feeling of uncertainty. I feel as though everyone knows more than I do and I'm lost with a poorly-drawn map. I still love my children, my dog and the people I loved before, so that's good....I just need to find my fuse, I guess. Maybe some more exercise will help....I hope so. And I think I should nix these pills....they are taking away more than they're giving.
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