Cakes

I've never known anyone I believed I could actually do life with, so that relationship with Mr. J was new....I've never been with anyone who caused everyone else to pale in comparison. The last month, he and I soared high and I thought we might make it. But occasionally we hurt each other with what in the grand scheme of things is absolute nonsense. Past shit shouldn't be flung into someone's face to make a point. We've both been guilty of that....it just makes the other person feel as though they'll never be good enough. I made him feel "not good enough" by cheating on him with my ex, and he causes me to feel "not good enough" by constantly bringing it up and throwing it back at me as though I'm still interested in cheating on him with said ex. I'm stupid for ruining that....I made his insecurity worse and poisoned our relationship. Then we tried again, and the poison of me cheating was still there, like a cancer coming back. I'd be such a douchebag to simply forgive myself for cheating, regardless of how he is still hurting over that. While I don't want to keep beating myself up for the rest of what's left of my life, I poisoned my own heart by cheating on J. It'll take a thousand forevers to rid this from my soul.