Rock Bottom

I wounded the heart of one so sweet....

....A treasure, that I was blessed enough to meet.

I cheated on him..broke his heart and dug in a knife....

Pining and yearning has become the theme of my life....

My heart....a graveyard for what could have been....

....the crown of love he once placed upon me, now belongs to his new queen.

The position I once held in his heart....

...occupied by another....and mine is falling apart.

My reeling mind....unable to remain steady,

Decides I should take another shot at love....although clearly, I'm not ready....

Sacrifice the heart of another....

In an attempt to replace my former lover....

Such was the beginning of my dealings with him.

I knew it was wrong....but I took a shot....

Then between him and the one before, my mind, body and spirit constantly fought.

Reality and fantasy....met by both men....

Going back and forth from one to the other....hating myself again and again.

Living a life of pitiful lies....

....unable to look into my king's trusting eyes.

Loving him and wanting him....yet still pining for some knave....

....taking for granted all that my king gave....

Wishing I could have my Cake and eat it too....

Unable to trade in a fantasy for a dream come true.

He offered me his fucking kingdom, yet I, not believing,

Sought rest in the arms of the knave with whom I was cheating!

Now tortured by relentless regret, I have crowned another my queen....

And I am hers....at least for the time being....

And she, aware of my recent disgrace,

Kisses me tenderly, knowing that she cannot replace

The crater in my soul, once filled by my king.

Her love for me does nothing to soothe the sting.

I just want someone to let this shame from my veins....

....fill me with something else so I can start over again.

Because I've been banished from my king's heart....

The moment I sinned against him I knew we'd have to part.

Regret is a beast that stalks and devours me....

Holding over my head the heart of my king....and with the anguish I caused him....the beast showers me

Daily reminding me of how shamefully I failed....

Now upon a crucifix of my own creation, my honour has been nailed.