I can't think of a clever enough name for this blog, so this will have to do for now:): December 2012

Monday, 31 December 2012

Happy New Year, Lover....

http://earthsky.org/tonight/can-you-see-the-different-colors-of-the-stars#.UODWI6M1h8t ....you, with the stars in your eyes.... Flash your brilliance.... With your captivating gaze, arrest me....imprison me with the power of your smile. An injection of energy from your body to mine....and I gestate and bear light from within. Nebulous memories of you render me weightless in the night.... My airy soul pirouettes amongst the glowing remnants of our love. Cosmic beyond the reach of my mind is the penetration of your spirit....like a nova.... I dance in the expanse of it all, with nothing beneath me, held up only by my belief in its existence. Fire, water and air, all at once <3

Thursday, 27 December 2012

I Frxxen Miss Your Arse

And there's a dude here that looks like you.... Didn't get a pic of him though; no way to get one inconspicuously, so no proof. Whatevs, that doesn't have *any* bearing on whether or not I hate you....you nasty bastard, you.... Anyway, on a heartbreakingly serious note, I don't understand why I feel this way....I don't even love you, per se; obviously my feelings for you were merely born of a physical attraction and emotional compensation for a ton of shit that I have lacked my entire life....hence my tears.... The love I give to my children, my spaniel and my friends are the only types of love I am sure of....I'm utterly shellshocked when it comes to men, my own mother and my father....too many conditions placed on something that ought to be given and received freely. Yes, you do know me, and you know quite well how I like to be kissed and touched....I thought that we shared something more infinite than that. When I shared myself with you, it was honestly and completely. I wish I could take it *all* back; every secret I told you, every kiss, every poem I wrote you .....every fucking thing:/ I hate feeling this way; I'm so angry with you and with myself. Crybaby? Perhaps.... You were a frikken star from heaven, and for a while, I felt lucky and tremendously happy. No guilt trip intended.

Horroscope Spam, December 27

If your birthday is in the range: March 21 to March 31 Dissatisfaction Nothing seems to be going quite as well as you expect, if you change your approach you find approval more readily available and the opinions of others helpful. In your personal life you’re confronted by all kinds of difficulties, and need to be clear about where you stand in the circumstances. Think about your lifestyle too, don't be too tough on yourself. ~In other words, YOLO, with a side of brains.

Monday, 24 December 2012

What Have I Done?!!!!

I think my lover hates me.... Dear Blog, what the fuck, huh? I'm not even as angry with him as I am with myself. What made me think that a tryst with a married guy who "doesn't know where he's gonna be six months from now" would not end with one of us in tears? My inner beast is wildly waving the bullshit flag; how could I have been so incredibly blind and trusted him?

Saturday, 22 December 2012

Almost

http://www.musicsrc.com/video/Almost+-+Sarah+Harmer.php?id=A7zTAuYfeeQ&artist=Sarah+Harmer

Thursday, 20 December 2012

Grumpy Cat:)

I Am Who I Am

We didn't miss each other yesterday because I am who I am; there's no mobile connection for *anyone* in the subway:( texting, emailing & attempting to call each other was out of the question yesterday, so we were bound to miss each other, Mr. Lover.... Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Wednesday, 19 December 2012

Missed Him....again....

Janet Jackson - Where Are You Now

Good Morning, Lover

http://vimeo.com/m/47172079

Metal crushed by metal Rock wrecked by rock .... Such is the ache inside of me as he regales me with tales of his real life.... I cling to whatever he gives me, as though the fate of the universe depends on the strength of my grip....I dare not let it slip.... With barely enough of anything to justify calling it love....I did.... although I know that I'm not a part of his real life. I envy his wife. Claims of a loveless life at home no longer make an impression.... How can I justify another love session?....whether his heart is with her or not, his body and mind share her space.... Each day *she* beholds my lover's face. Scooped out of my chest is the pulp of my heart....there was never any real hope for my lover and I.... this *he* knew from the start. How silly of me....supposing that we could be! So perfect for me in so many ways....yet he *can't* be anything more.... I adore him....the pain of not being with him gnaws at my bones. Every word he says stabs at my chest. He sees me as beautiful....all I see is a mess.