Hmph.

A plague of merciless feelings and an assault of random thoughts.... A tempermental heart in need of control.... A body with urges so fierce, missing the warmth of your soul's fire. I lasso my mind and try to reign it in, but it pulls me away to thoughts of you. I fight varying aspects of myself, unable to maintain the grip on reality that I have learned and accepted. I watch myself with shame burn for you in desire's merciless flame.

A Post.

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4, 5 & 9

I don't always openly communicate, I don't have much to offer/bring to the table I'm nuts because that friggen mad babydad solidified the inability to trust that I grew up with. Interesting. I'm always open to opportunities to learn something new....whether it be scientific or merely the spewings of a butthurt basement dweller. http://www.thesocialpulse.com/blog/top-9-reasons-girls-fk-up-relationships

OmigodsandgoddessesIthinkIhatemen....

@_@ I can't stand anyone after more than 2 1/2 weeks. I will now comb the internet to see if there has ever been any scientific research to back this up. I will also place an order for some remedy for the immense butthurt I am suffering from. There must be a support group out there for people who, like me, are too fucking injured from being tossed around in the game of love. Who knew it could get so dangerous! *^_^ To the WorldWideWeb!....

I'm Not That Kinda Girl....

I am a one person person; don't go for any of that "sharing" stuff....I'd be a jealous cow if I were in an "open" relationshit. Nope....I like my relationshits nice and *closed*....just me and my plaything. I know how it hurts to think of a partner slobbering all over someone else....I also know how much it really sucks to be a fantasy to someone who eventually goes home to their legitimate partner. Fair enough. For now, this chica's free as a bird; no one has laid claim to my booty (lol, sigh....I think I enjoyed that one a bit too much; I acutally "lol"ed out loud....*^_^)....anyboobs, I don't like it when the woman in the mirror refuses to look me in the eye because I'm in a stupid "love"(?) triangle....there's no role in such a drama that I would be happy in. Also, while I'm at it....cleaning out my closet and airing my linens.... I vehemently detest the idea of feeling as though I'm on anyone's back burner. I deserve to be happy alone, happy dating whomever I choose, happy keeping any current love-interests to myself without being periodically prodded by former lovers for any information on who else finds me interesting....(?)....couldn't think of a better word.... Whatever....this is my blog, and I just need to vent a bit today.... ....and no, D, this is not just about you. K, back to my life and my quest for happiness *<3*

Schmalentine's Day Poem :-P

Waxing crescent moon on mild ash Wednesday.... Stars are twinkling with fervor through the evening haze.... The planet Jupiter mightily owns my attention.... I'm losing myself in the beauty of it. I can't hear or see anything else around me.... You could have been standing there and I wouldn't have known.... I used to love you as much as the stars and the planets.... Now I'm mourning the loss of the love we had. I'm polluted inside and I wish I could sparkle.... Only resonating the light of pure love.... But there's so much anger and hurt inside me.... I sometimes wish the Universe would swallow me up. I ruin the beauty of the night with a cigarette.... I don't care that I don't have a Valentine.... I'd be lying if I said I wanted to see you.... It hurts to have to get over you every time. I thought about flying into the arms of another.... But after you, I have trouble trusting myself.... I'm afraid my heart will be crushed beyond recognition.... I've been through too much shit and it's mangled enough. I'm not blaming you....or beatinng myself up.... I'm just bathing in a sea of regret.... Life has dealt me a hand that I don't want to play with.... So I look to the stars for the strength to move on. Instead of wallowing in the mire of self-pity.... The optimist in me wants to find the beauty in life.... Heal my heart and repair the damage inside me.... Find a beacon of hope for someone else.....maybe. I've always thought that as long as there's life, there is always hope....I still believe.... I'm desperately looking for possibilities.... As the steadfast constellations shine brightly.... There's a part of me that's determined not to give up on me. It burns through despair and inspires courage.... It catches me when I've fallen down.... It pulls me back from the edge of total destruction.... In the still of the night, it's there when everyone's gone. The Heavens stoke the flames of my inner fire.... And from the ashes, my Spirit, like a phoenix soars.... High above all the doubt and fear that impedes me.... Gaining strength with every metre as I journey on. Everything I lost or gave away.... Everything that was taken without my permission.... Everything I wish I could find again.... Motivates me to move on. Everyone that might gain from my suffering.... Everyone who needs a beaconof hope.... Everyone who has been abaondoned.... I remember as I struggle on. The children around who look up to me.... And the inspiration of all of life's beauty.... The courage I absorb from the Universe.... Fuels my Spirit to move on.