Him

Driving through his neighbourhood was something....drove right by his building and the 24hr Sobey's and a store called "Janney's something-or-other", which I mistakenly thought said "Johnny's"....and a print shop named "RohnRose"....too many coincidences for one night; I went out tonight to try to forget about him and the opposite happened. L my effing a o. I miss Johnny; my body still reacts to thoughts of him. No one else....just him. Not even Tom Hiddleston. No one! This is new. Before this fuckscapade, I could react to former crushes and loves if I thought sexy thoughts about them; now, I only want one person. And I can't have him. Moving along....there are bigger problems in the world than this.

The Reason By Hoobastank

I don't like the video, but the lyrics are perfect right now. http://vimeo.com/m/76484308

Rock Bottom

I wounded the heart of one so sweet....

....A treasure, that I was blessed enough to meet.

I cheated on him..broke his heart and dug in a knife....

Pining and yearning has become the theme of my life....

My heart....a graveyard for what could have been....

....the crown of love he once placed upon me, now belongs to his new queen.

The position I once held in his heart....

...occupied by another....and mine is falling apart.

My reeling mind....unable to remain steady,

Decides I should take another shot at love....although clearly, I'm not ready....

Sacrifice the heart of another....

In an attempt to replace my former lover....

Such was the beginning of my dealings with him.

I knew it was wrong....but I took a shot....

Then between him and the one before, my mind, body and spirit constantly fought.

Reality and fantasy....met by both men....

Going back and forth from one to the other....hating myself again and again.

Living a life of pitiful lies....

....unable to look into my king's trusting eyes.

Loving him and wanting him....yet still pining for some knave....

....taking for granted all that my king gave....

Wishing I could have my Cake and eat it too....

Unable to trade in a fantasy for a dream come true.

He offered me his fucking kingdom, yet I, not believing,

Sought rest in the arms of the knave with whom I was cheating!

Now tortured by relentless regret, I have crowned another my queen....

And I am hers....at least for the time being....

And she, aware of my recent disgrace,

Kisses me tenderly, knowing that she cannot replace

The crater in my soul, once filled by my king.

Her love for me does nothing to soothe the sting.

I just want someone to let this shame from my veins....

....fill me with something else so I can start over again.

Because I've been banished from my king's heart....

The moment I sinned against him I knew we'd have to part.

Regret is a beast that stalks and devours me....

Holding over my head the heart of my king....and with the anguish I caused him....the beast showers me

Daily reminding me of how shamefully I failed....

Now upon a crucifix of my own creation, my honour has been nailed.

DID

“The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.” ― David Foster Wallace This guy's blog is worth a read http://una-together-as-one.blogspot.co.uk/2014/08/a-bad-day.html?m=1

Joan Rivers Quote </3

".... All I want you to do, if we are sitting down and it’s after 6 p.m., is tell me the truth. Because we’ve all lied to each other all day long in business and we’ve all had these lunches and we’ve all ass-kissed to the point where I carry Chapstick. If I am going to sit down and eat with you, just tell me the truth and let me say to you, ‘Things are lousy and I’m sad.’ ”

I Am Many Trapped In One

Ron, my fire....I love him the most. Purposeful and committed....the protector....the one who gets things done. Veronica....feisty and passionate....reckless and wild. Rose....the mother....living in and sharing beauty....she is loved and respected by us all. Marsha....the child....looks up to the others and longs for peace. Ever hopeful and so quick to trust.

Goodbye Summer (Time To Bury Love)

Sitting outside Under a late summer sky.... Pure blue and beautiful Legs burning in the sun.... Heart burning with longing Heart racing at the thought of your fingers on me Spiral of smoke ascending Gentle breeze blowing like your breath on me.... Arms bare and aching for your touch.