I spent 16 years with a guy who treated me like shit and who *continues* to treat me like shit. There must be something wrong with me for him to treat me so terribly, to the point where he is so incredibly obsessed with continuing the torture and hurting our daughter and not giving a shit whether or not our young boys are in the line of fire. So to be told that I am "beautiful" hurts. I simply think that there is something wrong with you, that you don't see in me whatever my parents and my children's father thought was worthy of squashing. The fear of loving completely claws at my flesh and warns me not to believe anything that anyone says....just accept any complements given with gracefulness and a smile and continue with my lone journey in life; I am all I have. I like to love and I like to give, but I dare not accept either from anyone.

So Dumb. Such Idiot; wow....

Always falling for the wrong people Then crying. Why the surprise though? At this point, my mind and body are in agreement; my heart is not to be trusted.... <_< Fuck my beating heart....I have been led into countless episodes of trouble thanks to the recklessness of my heart's pursuits..... And how much more can I lose because of my heart's desires and childish expectations? ....What's left, I cannot spare. Indulging people who seem to be able to fulfill needs and wants....yeah, only to find out that they only wish to fulfill their own. I'll hand it to myself though; I'm good at cleaning up....after being fucked over by an assortment of people who claim to care about me.... And me being me, I don't want to be snide....but the uncertainty and the painful feeling of being mocked rouses a beast within me.... My consciousness stirs and bursts through the tight lid I try to keep on my emotions. To those who are new to me, the eruption of my truth is always seemingly sudden....they have no idea how long the pressure was building. To the curious innocents who dare stand too close to the geyser, my spirit cries out in horror as they are impaled with shards of my uncontained emotional fallout.

While pressed against me and moist with sweat, I owned him so completely, that he will never forget I pinned him down lovingly and climbed up on top, Grinding insanely, while he begged me not to stop. But wicked, wicked me, that's exactly what I did next.... I stopped and dismounted him and smiled as he flexed.... I ran my nails up his trembling thighs And worshiped his body to the music of his sighs. I then raised my head from it's bowed position Then slid him back inside me to continue the mission The intoxicating aroma from the mingling of our scents Encircled us with the heat of our love so immense Then with rapturous song, the sweet nectar of our wellsprings came His body and mine felt like one and the same.  With the final seizures of pleasure we devoured each other's lips And traced each other's faces with wet fingertips.

I'm Getting Old And I Need Something To Rely On

Forget everything and have a life together.... Or just free each other's spirits into the universe?.... I've already let go. Insanity isn't my style; it doesn't match my shoes. http://vimeo.com/m/69890057

Untitled Love Poem

O rhythmic prince.... Come to me in the night.... Halt the turning of the earth At the point just between dawn and daylight~ *Rouse me gently from my dreams of you.... Be there when I wake.... Be my living, breathing fantasy.... Be my eternal everything, for true love's sake~ *How I love you, glorious prince.... I am hypnotized by your steady thrust.... How I wish you would serenade me forever Instead of leaving me when you must~ *To you, my heart sings.... When you enter my body and mind.... Sacred hymns of praise and joy As beneath me, you squirm and grind~ *And at the height of our esctacy, New stars are born.... With the ferocity of supernovae The veil between fantasy and reality is torn~ *Yet my love for you stands firm Although presently, we cannot be one.... I will hold dear the final hint of you With the rising of the sun~ *The still of night is for dreams While reality rules the day.... As long as the sun or the moonlight touch you, I will never be far away~ *I will meet you in your sweetest dreams Where our hopes and dreams rule the night And there I will make endless love to you As we linger 'til the next day's light~

My Fire (Written By Him)

She woke up one day and realized… She had to move on A future with a claimed man Would never be a reality She had an epiphany There were hundreds of eligible Baggage free Single or separated - great men all around her Men that would treat this princess that way she deserved Support her and her kids through Anything and everything Make her breakfast on Sunday mornings Massage her tired muscles every night Read bedtime stories to her sons The claimed man cried as he wrote his poem But he knew the stars once aligned between a fiery black widow and the glowing energy of that rhythmic prince Their hearts forever melted as one

Hyperbole and a Half: Depression Part Two

Hyperbole and a Half: Depression Part Two