Love

This picture reminds me of Mr. J and myself....even without the quote  about forgiveness.
The woman, with her pointed ear like mine....and the way the man is holding her so protectively and tenderly....the way Mr. J holds me....
I love this picture.  I love he fact that they look like the earth and space. What I am guessing is that their hair....how it spirals out....is the knowledge of who they are and all that ever was before them spiralling out from them.... The warmth and security of their embrace is so beautiful.

My favorite version of this song

The two voices dancing together, and the beckoning sounds of the violins....
<3 So beautiful <3

Michael Buble & Ivan Lins - Wonderful Tonight: http://youtu.be/1Disni-gtoY

After violence

There's this need to be hypervigillant that I can't seem to shake. My childhood is long past and the relationship with mr. Grabby-McSlapnpunch has been over for 3 years+ now, but I still have a difficult time relaxing with people. I fear I will just always be this way.

Enter me

Innervate my soul with your power so great
Course through me and become my force
Open my eyes to what you want me to see
Of you....of the world....
Feel your experience

Reignite the dead zones of my heart, killed in former quests
....For love....in hatred....from foolish decisions made in haste, and in compromised thought....

Unfurl my wings with the strength of your love
Calm my rage with the beauty of your spirit
Captivate me with the melody of your voice.

Love unhindered....
Therein will lie strength, beauty and peace.
Fervent as the sun....pure and untamed
Awesome and unquestionable.
When you are in me, there will no greater power be.

Stunning fantasy art

Fighting again

I'm afraid that Mr. J and I won't be ok. Sitting around wallowing in regret after another all-night fight. Texting argument, really.  Insecurity is why.....my fault that, because of my past treatment of him what with the secrecy about the feelings I still had and acted upon with that ex.  Now I hate myself again....
I also hate how J goes from being incredibly supportive, so much so that I feel safe enough to tell him anything, to being malicious and spiteful.  I guess I deserve that to a certain extent, but it's not something I want to keep in my life.  How long will this continue?  I'd be very sad to lose him because of this.  But we can't keep poisoning each other.  It doesn't matter how upfront I am....he gets a feeling that there's something off about something I've said, and his insecurity goes through the roof.  Then we end up arguing....him insisting that I'm lying, and me trying frantically to convince him that I'm not and that I love him and don't want to be with anyone else but him. 
I don't deserve the luxury of complaining about this....but I just can't stay stuck here in this place of no possible redemption.  He likely doesn't feel that I am capable of honesty nor of loving him....I'm afraid he'll never forgive me.....But at some point all of this punishing has to stop because he's pushing me away.  Soon I'm going to give up on him because he's got this shadow over me that isn't conducive to the growth of love.  I feel as though I have such a nerve saying that, because I was dishonest in the beginning....if I'd known how much he would mean to me and how much I'd miss him after we broke up, I wouldn't have resumed anything with the ex.  This relationship was forged in uncertainty....now I'm stuck hating myself for hurting him. 

.....although....part of me wonders if he'd be insecure anyway, even if I hadn't cheated.  

But here we are again....no matter what else is going on in my life, the focus is disproportionately on J and what he feels.  Not to sound cold, but this is why I began avoiding him the first time around.  I'm afraid that no amount of holding and attempts at reassuring him will ever be good enough. 

<3 Truthiness

Grim but interesting

Floating

Float from body to body....hoping to find rest in a heart.... My wings are tired and hard as I've tried I can't seem to stay on this currant of air....so I tumble down ....bodies beneath me, in awe at what they think is an angel....my wings singed from an existence of sin....of others and my own....unable to keep me afloat. I land on him....sorry to have touched his heart.... Eyes locked in sincere apology....ashamed of my aching wings. I expect no rest here....or anywhere....used to a continuous flight.... He unfurls his wings and carries me into the night. I, afraid, not knowing where he will land .... Relax into the strength of his wings and allow him to take my hand. With the other, I point to where I wish to go....far from here....though exactly where, I still don't know. He joins me on my aimless flight and breathes me in and out, ever increasing in might. With each breath, I grow stronger....and although my own strength is recovered, I wish to fly with him longer.

Grimm

Painful thoughts....your passing was almost the end of me. Broken hearted....the news of your passing hurt more than I never imagined. I hadn't planned to say goodbye to you.... I'm angry with myself at the very thought.... I wish I could know that you are somehow still here. I've lost others before, but never someone so close.... Feelings as raw as the day I first heard. Afraid that no one could possibly understand.... Finding no comfort and Missing your presence in my life.... The pain of no word from you ....reality's serrated knife. Everything that reminds me of who you were Giving joy and pain at the same time.... Shuddering with sadness at the absence of one so sublime. Tears burning my skin ....unable to stop the flow.... Uncontrolled emotions continuing to grow.... Taking deep breaths and trying to pull myself together Hoping deep in my soul that I will see you again in the great, vast forever.

Nourish

Loving you and loving how you're loving me .... Dancing in the spirit of our love. Caught up in the ether of the afterglow.... Floating in you....breathing you in....savouring you with all five senses. Sliding across each other's love-slickened skin.... Writhing from the energy of your touch.... Powerless, yet bursting with energy from our love. Willing surrender to your plans for the night.... Resulted in heavenly delight. Watering our love with more love.... Nurturing each other's hearts.

Clean Bandit- Rather Be Feat. Jess Glynne

Tove Lo-Habits (Stay High)

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oh2LWWORoiM

VmV Nation, Please Don't Go

http://youtu.be/mVf2EeTMNJo

Cakes

I've never known anyone I believed I could actually do life with, so that relationship with Mr. J was new....I've never been with anyone who caused everyone else to pale in comparison. The last month, he and I soared high and I thought we might make it. But occasionally we hurt each other with what in the grand scheme of things is absolute nonsense. Past shit shouldn't be flung into someone's face to make a point. We've both been guilty of that....it just makes the other person feel as though they'll never be good enough. I made him feel "not good enough" by cheating on him with my ex, and he causes me to feel "not good enough" by constantly bringing it up and throwing it back at me as though I'm still interested in cheating on him with said ex. I'm stupid for ruining that....I made his insecurity worse and poisoned our relationship. Then we tried again, and the poison of me cheating was still there, like a cancer coming back. I'd be such a douchebag to simply forgive myself for cheating, regardless of how he is still hurting over that. While I don't want to keep beating myself up for the rest of what's left of my life, I poisoned my own heart by cheating on J. It'll take a thousand forevers to rid this from my soul.

Concrete Trampoline

Razor tampons, ketchup hats, battery acid salad dressing, mud shampoo, barbed baby wipes, tree bark lip balm, aluminum sunscreen, cotton nail clippers, dry ice slippers. Lazer dinner, shit soap, blueberry juice dental floss, tissue paper condoms, cat piss toothpaste, sewage mouthwash, liquid underwear, cinderblock glasses, ass phones, ankle polish, fish gut perfume, pet dander contact lenses. Water cigarettes....flower petal wagons....barbecue sauce napkins..... Nylon tires....silk pliers. Lava paint brushes....stuffed animal coffee cups....elephant windows....insect couches....toe jam nose plugs....keyboard stew....ice cube blankets....rabbit diapers....iphone hairbrushes....vending machine pants....banana peel dentures....rocket fuel yoghurt....mozzarella headphones....dish soap bones. None of those things make any sense....how rediculous if they were true. None of those things could ever be And I could never really be with you. We could try, but we would only ever be As good as a concrete trampoline.