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Reply To His Poem From The Last Time We Saw Each Other

I want to call you.... I want to text you.... I want to meet you.... I want to eat you.... I want to grab you.... I want to have my way with you.... I want to scratch you..... I want to smash you.... I want to hide you.... ....while I ride you.... I want to keep you.... I want to sleep with you.... I want to drown in you.... I want to go down on you.... I need to have you.... I need to love you.... I need to own you.... Please let me call you....

From Him To Me....

I watched her dance for a while Watched her move She smiled at her neighbour, she raised her arm as she sang Feeling the words feeling the music She noticed me and backed herself into me The electricity could have lit a stove It did in my belly and my groin and my heart I brushed against her shoulder Her skin- softer than any baby’s I longed to touch it again To smell it to kiss it to eat it to devour it I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her close we moved together When she couldn’t take it anymore she took me by the hand to a quiet place We embraced and kissed deeply – our hearts melting into one – like so many times before Wandering hands and lips and tongues – then STOP! Before we fall to the ground…. We part with a smile and a heavy heart….we wish it could last. I race home I run upstairs to the shower and under warm rain we make passionate love in my mind under a waterfall and we explode! Fall asleep in each other’s arms…..

Sometimes I feel as though I shouldn't live anymore.... When I find myself lost in that dark place, I try to find people to be surrounded by until the seduction of death loses it's grip on my body. I just run....I don't always know where I'll end up....I just run. Just run until I find people with love to spare, who can respawn my spirit.... It's a gamble each time, because what if instead of finding hope, I find more pain?.... Up until *this* point, I have been lucky.

Purge Time! Gotta Make Space And Get Rid Of Everything You Shit On....

Had I known that you merely wanted someone to fuck as casually as one would smoke a cigarette, I would have steered clear away.

Once upon a time, there was an ugly duckling who nobody wanted.... She grew into a swan, admired by many and wanting only one.... No amount of preening and flapping garnered his attention; Yet she circled wherever she thought he might be, ears peeled for any mention Of interest....of desire....of even the slightest consideration.... The swan was ready to dive toward the one she loved without any hesitation.

I exist as both dark and as light.... Both fierce and timid, with gentle might. I hide in broad daylight in the midst of all that is true.... That is why no one has ever found me....no one, except for you.

I spent 16 years with a guy who treated me like shit and who *continues* to treat me like shit. There must be something wrong with me for him to treat me so terribly, to the point where he is so incredibly obsessed with continuing the torture and hurting our daughter and not giving a shit whether or not our young boys are in the line of fire. So to be told that I am "beautiful" hurts. I simply think that there is something wrong with you, that you don't see in me whatever my parents and my children's father thought was worthy of squashing. The fear of loving completely claws at my flesh and warns me not to believe anything that anyone says....just accept any complements given with gracefulness and a smile and continue with my lone journey in life; I am all I have. I like to love and I like to give, but I dare not accept either from anyone.

So Dumb. Such Idiot; wow....

Always falling for the wrong people Then crying. Why the surprise though? At this point, my mind and body are in agreement; my heart is not to be trusted.... <_< Fuck my beating heart....I have been led into countless episodes of trouble thanks to the recklessness of my heart's pursuits..... And how much more can I lose because of my heart's desires and childish expectations? ....What's left, I cannot spare. Indulging people who seem to be able to fulfill needs and wants....yeah, only to find out that they only wish to fulfill their own. I'll hand it to myself though; I'm good at cleaning up....after being fucked over by an assortment of people who claim to care about me.... And me being me, I don't want to be snide....but the uncertainty and the painful feeling of being mocked rouses a beast within me.... My consciousness stirs and bursts through the tight lid I try to keep on my emotions. To those who are new to me, the eruption of my truth is always seemingly sudden....they have no idea how long the pressure was building. To the curious innocents who dare stand too close to the geyser, my spirit cries out in horror as they are impaled with shards of my uncontained emotional fallout.