Any time I see something this beautiful, I think of him

http://cdn.theatlantic.com/static/infocus/ngm092112/n04_yosemite.jpg

All night for nothing

I stayed awake all night with you
....waiting for an opportunity
Waiting for you to want to go to bed..
Waiting for you to FUCK ME!!!!

I waited and waited and listened to you
Waiting for you to grab me
Longing and yearning and yearning and burning....
Waiting for you to TAKE ME!!!!

That look in your eyes....
Your magic smile....
The rumble of your voice....
The way you BITE YOUR LIPS; OH, GODDDD!!!!

Hours and hours and hours went by
....waiting for you to make a move on me
Birdies heralding the morning light....
And still you hadn't come on me?

I drank too much and I don't know why
Why the fuck am I so horny tonight?!!!!
With every word that you said I WANT TO TAKE YOU TO BED!
TAKE YOU TO BED SO YOU CAN FUCK ME!!!!

Your beard so soft....
Your smile so sweet....
I can't do myself
When you're right there and I want you so badly!

Biting myself to get it under control
Wishing that you were inside me
Biting and fighting and squirming and writhing
Imagining you underneath me.

And feeling so bad because why can't I
Calm right down and get the sleep I need?
I'm horny as fuck and I'm soaking wet
Desire is slowly choking me.
Sexual tension and energy.

Ugh

The downside to being this close to Mr. Magic, is that he is close enough to me to hurt me.  I don't enjoy our close times any more, because I am afraid of how far it is to plummet when things go wrong.  I'm afraid to feel as high as he used to make me feel....I'm too scared to relax and enjoy our romantic times. 
I know that times are not always going to be great, but we've hit some bumps and I'm shaken up. 
I don't want to feel like this about him....like I need to forget about him when we are apart, and zone out when we are together.
I don't like being "the woman" in a relationship.  I hate it.  I wish that our genders were reversed....
I want to be physically stronger, and be the one who tends to the emotions of the other, while she gently cradles mine. 
Sometimes I imagine myself as "the man", and Mr. Magic as my female partner.  I love her, and if I hurt her, nothing would be more important to me than putting things right in her heart again. 
If "Magic" were my wife, I would glorify her strengths, and *never* leave her feeling weak.  Lately, Magic has been losing me....I feel as though I am disappointing him.  Then I yearn all the more to be a physically and emotionally stronger and capable person.  A man. 
I would trade every perceived advantage I have as a reportedly pretty female, to be a man.  Because no one has made me feel content in a relationship with them whilst I am cursed with the hormonal inadequacies of a woman.  I bruise way too easily.... I hate this about myself. 
I thought that things were different with Magic, but I have been hurt by him in ways that will alter how close I allow myself to feel with him again. 
I don't want being with a man to be the death of the man in me.  The thought of that makes me angry.

Gotta Run

Wherever you are
I'm gonna find a way
To be where you are
And be on time
Gotta travel far
..wait for the bus all day

I gotta run, gotta run, gotta run, gotta run there

To be with you
Is on my mind today
To hear your voice
And see your smile
I wish the bus
Would hurry up and come

I wanna run, wanna run, wanna run and see you

It's so cold....you live so far....
I'm tired and hungry....but you are....
a light inside my heart that gives me strength to not give up

The final steps
Feel the longest, yeah....
I'm getting close
But I feel so far
I'm nearly there
And soon as I get the chance

I'm gonna run, gonna run, gonna run towards you
Gonna run, gonna run, gonna run and hold you

Because you are my sweet sunshine
The whole 3 hours of this ride I
Thought of you and felt like I
Stood strong against the wind

Hopped in a cab
So I would be on time
The bus took long
And it was cold outside
When I finally got there
I felt a rush of joy

*All I want to do is see you
See your face and smell your hair
All I wanna do is hold you
I'm gonna run, gonna run, gonna run and hold you!*

Cosmic Love

Love making.. Love giving.. Love taking.. Love living..

Hypnotized by the rhythm and motion..
And tossed around in waves of emotion..

Willingly enslaved to the dictates of the heart..
An unseen power forged from the Universe's start.

In our lovemaking, I realize that your atoms and mine..
Are together so perfect, as though made to combine.

And into the feelings I so gladly give..
The whimsy, the passion, our love expressive.

Easter morning when I looked at my Love

Looking over at you, lit up by late morning's light..
I long for you to hold me, as always.
Here in my heart lurks not even a hint of doubt;
Certain that I love you so much.
Infused with your love for me, I see myself in a new light....
A me inside once uninvolved with this world,
Now loved by myself and allowed to come out and dance.
All of me is for you, my sweet love....especially the me that you have coaxed out of hiding.
Free of doubt, I careen toward your heart..
Feeling safety in your orbit.
Unhindered by the fears in which once I found safety,
Free to fly; cushioned by your love which surrounds.
Lit up inside by the glow of your love,
I dance to your heart's beat.

Cloudy

Will I burst outta here?....or float away gently?
I don't know....all I know is I'll go....
Baby, while I'm here I'm going to love you freely....
I'll grow right along side you.

You've been my strength when I thought I had nothing
I swear; I owe my life to you.
Baby I came to life when you came into existence
And I let go of fear to hold on to you....

My heart found rhythm with each breath you drew in
And the wings of my love unfurled

You gave me life....even though I am the mamma
And oh....time never once stood still....
Well, look at us, we've seen our fair share of drama
On our way up on life's rocky flowered hill.

Now, when I die, just remember to keep going....
Be love where I can no longer be.
Seize the day as long as your blood keeps flowing
And I'll be wherever you feel me

Babygirl, I will always be only a thought away.

When I go, if the place in me that thinks and feels goes off somewhere
I will think of you while I'm floating off in forever
Because in space and time, I was here....and whenever you think back in time, I'll be there.